Love… Who needs love??
If I’m honest, I NEED IT! The truth is we all need love. We are wired to want love, companionship, and community. The question is how far are you willing to go for it? Sometimes our obsession with love can be a little….. too much. And we make an idol of the thing God has blessed us with the most – love.
Been there, done that. Really still doing that sometimes. There was a time in my life where finding a romantic love was my god. I would put being in a relationship over anything! Even if that meant disobeying God. Lately, my focus hasn’t been finding companionship. Because I have a bf now, my newest obsession is marriage. I want to be married so bad. When I say bad….. I mean bad. Like it’s crazy. I think about it all the time. Y’all. My wedding is pretty much planned on pinterest. I’m such a hopeless romantic. When people ask the question “Would you rather be poor and love, or wealthy and alone?”, you can guess what my answer is. I have been in this constant cycle of not really appreciating my relationship in its current state because I want to be in the next step SO bad. God has had to slow me down (many times) and remind me of the qualifications for marriage, because honestly, I would’ve been blindly rushing into marriage (and dragging my bf right along with me) for the sake of my own desires instead of considering what God desires. I’m thankful that God isn’t afraid to tell me to sit down and to get my life. Instead of placing my attention and my focus on marriage, God says “Slow down love. Your purpose is still being developed. Don’t rush into the next level.”
I think it’s the same concept for people who desire to be in relationships or desire to just be loved and will do anything to get to “that next step”. Sometimes, we disregard logic and anything that makes sense in order to fulfill our romantic desires. And Valentines Day, engagement and wedding season, and social media don’t make it any better. It seems as though everyday, we’re reminded of our desires but they’re still not being fulfilled. We are literally engulfed by what the world considers a good “timeline” for love every single day, and it’s actually really hard not to want to speed up your own pace in order to catch up to unrealistic ideas about life and love.
During these lovey dovey holidays and moments that can seem like God isn’t aware of your desires, people will tell you things like “be patient” or “trust in God’s timing”, and there will also be this idea swimming around of changing these holidays into something they’re not. For instance, many will say Valentine’s Day is “Single Awareness Day”. Some may even tell you to stifle how you feel or to get over it, as if you can hide how you truly feel from God. As if we can put a mask on our desires, pretend we’re okay, and expect God to move in our dishonesty. Because that’s exactly what it is when we try to pretend we’re whole and satisfied in order to see God move in our romantic lives – it’s lying. To Him. To yourself. and To the world.
I don’t believe it’s ideal for us to pretend we don’t desire love and companionship, nor do I believe God wants us to. I believe He just wants our honesty and our patience as it relates to love. Nowhere in the bible does God say that you can’t desire a relationship or desire to married. Nowhere does He say you can’t be aware of what you want out of life in romantic sense. He doesn’t condemn us for wanting companionship. He just wants to make sure we’re doing things in the correct order and with the right spirit.
Last week, Jeremiah and I served as panelists for an event called “Dating with Purpose”. You better know that when they asked me could we do it, I was jumping for joy. If you follow my blogs, you know that last semester we gave up kissing until we’re married (which hasn’t been the easiest thing to do). The one thing that has kept me holding on is the fact that God always honors true sacrifices. I had been wondering for weeks what good could come from no kissing and BOOM! A random opportunity to use our relationship to glorify Jesus! I believed that this was God’s way of settling my restless heart and letting me know that He was going to come through on His end of the deal. I was actually really inspired and really encouraged during this event. Jeremiah and I were the youngest couple on the panel of three and definitely had the least experience. One reoccurring theme that each couple seemed to reiterate is the idea that there is a process to being truly ready for a romantic relationship. I believe this is the process God desires us to go through in order to obtain the level of romantic relationships we’re seeking. I believe these steps are imperative and when you do it with a right sprit and let patience work for you, God will give you the desires of your heart.
- Know God
- Know yourself
- Know your purpose
Every single couple literally laid out the sane process to truly being in a place to receive romantic love from another human being. This same process is true for people already in relationships. When I’m trying to push the idea of desiring to be engaged on God’s radar, He quickly reminds me of this process and forces me to make sure I’m not trying to push ahead of His timing. This process is one that never stops. You keep getting to know God, getting to know yourself, and learning more and more about your purpose over and over again. It doesn’t matter what season you’re in. The process is still the same. There is never a point where you can say you know all there is to know about either of those three things. So no matter who you are or where you are in life, the process still remains. Know God. Know yourself. Know your purpose.
There are going to be a lot of people who give you advice and try to pawn their ideals of love on you as it pertains to pursing romantic relationships. So many people have so many ideas about how all of this love stuff works (even me), but here are a few things we can all keep in mind.
- It’s okay to desire a significant other, and it’s okay to desire for your relationship to go to the next level.
Wanting to be in the next moment or in the next level of your relationship or life isn’t a sin or isn’t displeasing to God. But when you let your desires get in the way of you doing the things God has called you to do in THIS moment… THAT is where the problem sets in. This is when God starts to question where your heart is. Is it with Him or is it with your selfish desires?
2. If you get into the habit of rushing God in your singleness, you’ll do the same thing when you get into a relationship (and in your marriage.)
The idea of rushing or “running” when you should be walking doesn’t go away if thats the standard you set for your single life. It literally just shows up in other places. If you rush being single, you’ll rush your relationship into engagement, and you’ll rush your engagement into marriage. You’ll miss imperative steps and find yourself in a place trying to pick up all the pieces. Slow down. Go at the pace of God. Enjoy the moment you’re in
3. The process never stops.
Really truly make sure you know God, yourself, and your purpose. Also make sure you’re keeping that process in mind even in your relationships. Don’t get so caught up in the thrill of it all that you slack up on things you know to do like spend time with God, spend time with YOU, and spend time developing your purpose. Don’t let your significant other get in the way of your process, because that’s when the relationship starts going downhill anyway. Don’t let the desire to be in a relationship or to be married hinder your process either.
Living a life that’s pleasing to God can be hard. Living your life at the pace of God can be hard. Seeing other people have the things you desire can surely be hard. I’ve been there. Tbh, I still have trouble with it every single day. You just have to trust Him in all things, let Him lead you in all things, and let Him move the pieces in your life into the places He wants them to be at the time He’s ordained them to be. Learn to love your life wherever God has placed you at this time. Don’t miss purpose-moments because of your desire to be on a different level of life.
As always love God, love people, and live your life at the pace of God. Slow it down sista!
If you ever have any questions about my blog, my relationship with J, or my relationship with Jesus, never hesitate to ask me! Email me: firstname.lastname@example.org
*Pics of the Dating with Purpose panel* *me and Jeremiah are in the middle LOL*