Two months ago, God told me that He was pleased with me. He said that He was about to open doors for me that no man could close. He even revealed things about my calling and the mandate He’s placed on my life to reach women for His kingdom. I will admit, knowing that God was pleased with me was the single most amazing moment of my life. I was so full of zeal and excitement to do His work and to walk in my purpose just by knowing that He saw my effort, He saw the work I was doing quietly for Him, and He saw ME. I blogged more, I was more transparent when I talked to women about my life and my struggles, I read my bible consistently, I worshipped consistently, and I made sure I was striving to be a light to the people around me. I wanted to emanate Jesus in everything I did in order to receive God’s promises. Shortly after God spoke, I started receiving positions, awards, affirmation, and more wisdom than I ever imagined. I knew it was God.
Even though all of these things were happening to me and for me, I was still very unsure of myself. I was having identity issues, financial issues, and a lot of personal struggles. I was sad, confused, and a little angry with God. Although people around me saw this woman who was so sure of herself and so responsible and so put together, I was crumbling inside and just as lost as ever. I had all these secret prayers that I needed God to answer and it was like I couldn’t find Him. I was confused because He told me He was going to do all these things for me because He was pleased, but the things I needed most, I didn’t have. I began to think He wasn’t pleased with me anymore. I realized that I didn’t really trust God like I claimed. I realized my faith in Him doing the impossible wasn’t as strong as I claimed. Soon I lost the zeal I found to do the work of God, I stopped reading consistently, and I wasn’t praying as fervently as I should have. I become very distant from God personally because I felt like He wasn’t listening to me anyway. I read and prayed as much as I wanted to (which was not enough), I kept sharing my experiences with women trying to make their burdens lighter even though mine were heavier than ever, and I kept up a facade making the world around me believe that I was okay. God knew better.
This past Sunday, I decided that I was tired of not communing with God like I should have. I figured that even if He wasn’t pleased with me anymore, He still wanted to talk to me. Right? So, I worshipped and I prayed and I talked to Him during church as I normally would. I let go of the fear of Him not being pleased with the work I was doing and I cried out to Him in spite of. I also did the ONE thing I always do when I really need the Lord to speak to me – I went to the alter.
As I stood on the alter, I prayed that somebody would pray for me that could hear God and speak directly to my situation. God surely answers prays y’all! As I was being prayed for, God gave me the answer I had been desperately needing. He said, “I haven’t changed my mind about you. I don’t change with the times. I’m not wishy-washy. I remember the things I’ve spoken to you. Good things are coming. I just need you to rest in me. Know that I have your back.” SO PROFOUND. I was on the alter crying my eyes out like “THANKS GOD”! I don’t think I’ve ever been so grateful in my life. Here I am worrying about God not being pleased with me and being so consumed with my worries and fears, that I was running away from the One who had the answer. Here I am worried that God forgot about me when that wasn’t the case at all. He just kept saying He needed me to REST in Him and rest in His peace.
I’ve said all of this to say that God ALWAYS makes GOOD on His promises. He doesn’t forget about us, and He doesn’t leave us to battle life’s challenges alone. If you’re in need of something from God and you’re running from Him instead of clinging, STOP. In dark times, we should cling to the Light. He’s the only one with the answers you seek and the promises you need. Even when we create scenarios or ideas about God because of our own fear, He is still waiting. Waiting for us to stop letting fear control us. Waiting for us to see Him as He is – a miracle worker and a promise keeper. Waiting for us to see that He loves us and His love never changes. Waiting for us to know that there is a process to get to the promises of God. Waiting for us to realize that all we seek can only be found in Him. I am so glad that the Lord loves me enough to wait for me. I am SO glad He didn’t forget about me. I am so glad He cares about me. I am so glad that He sees the work I do for His kingdom and that He is pleased enough to promise me things. Me? Someone who sins against Him willingly? Someone who forgets Him? Someone so impatient? Someone so undeserving? Someone who misses the mark ALL THE TIME? I said all this to say that if God hasn’t forgotten about ME, He hasn’t forgotten about YOU either!
As always love God, love people and REST in the fact that God always makes GOOD on His promises and that He never forgets about His children.